


Needing You

by furbies



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: F/F, Fem Kirk, Friends to Lovers, Pon Farr, Smut, fem spock, it's sort of also about spock realizing that she's a lesbian, sort of vaguely like an alternate amok time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 20:18:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9784673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/furbies/pseuds/furbies
Summary: Spock had never had any trouble stopping Pon Farr through meditation, but something is different this time.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally planned to be a chaptered fic but it works just as well ending here. I might add more to it some day, who knows. Anyway, enjoy.

The strange behavior started when Spock reported to her station late for the first time in over a year of service. Exactly 41 minutes and 7 seconds late, Spock had informed her while apologizing. Jim figured that even Vulcan's can make mistakes like the rest of us. If anything, she found confirmation of that fact oddly endearing, as she often did when she caught glimpses of her first officer showing that she was possibly more human than she would care to let on.  
  
The next day Spock asked if she could temporarily devote more of her time to a project that she had been working on in the ship's science labs, rather than always working with everybody on the bridge. Jim had approved this request, though she almost didn't want to - for entirely selfish reasons which she would never allow to influence her decisions.  
  
Then Spock never reported to the bridge the next time she was rostered to that particular station. Four days had passed since she had last been on the bridge and Jim had very much noticed the absence. Jim decided to contact the science department regarding her whereabouts.  
  
" I apologize Captain, there must be some sort of miscommunication. Spock is not here, she's barely been here at all recently.", said the voice on the other end of the comm.  
  
"..Thank you. That will be all. Kirk out".  
  
As soon as she hit the end transmission button she was out the door, on her way to Spock's room, determined to find her.  
  
Spock had been elusive those last four days. Not only was her presence missed on the bridge, also the break room, where Jim and her would talk and play their games of chess. It had become a part of Jim's day that she always looked forward to. If she's honest with herself - which she was getting better at being, she really missed it, despite how little time had passed. As she walked she wondered whether Spock missed it as well, or if she would just think that Jim was being a sentimental illogical human.  
  
She let herself into Spock's darkened room. No lights were on but just enough came through the gap under the door as it closed behind her. She could see Spock sitting on the floor, in the black robes that Jim knew her to only wear for meditation.  
  
"Spock.. what are you doing?" She asked, with an air of genuine confusion.  
  
"Captain.. I'm sorry I was not at my scheduled station..", Spock said weakly without looking up. She looked like she was being swallowed up by the excess of fabric loosely draped off of her narrow frame, stretching over the floor around her. Jim knelt down to be on the ground with her.  
  
" What's all of this about?", Jim asked gently. She was startled when she noticed the tiny streams of tears down Spock's face. "What's wrong?", she exclaimed, placing a hand against Spock's upper arm.  
  
Spock paused, hesitantly looking at her. She simply replied, " I am emotionally compromised".  
  
"I can see that. But why?", Jim asked with sympathetic eyes, knowing full well how impossible it had always been to get her to open up about things that did not fit the Vulcan ideal.

without noticing, Jim had started rubbing her thumb in little circular motions against Spock's arm. Spock however, did notice.  
  
Spock let out a calm sigh, seeming like her tears were easing up. "I have had insufficient time to meditate to maintain my equilibrium", She answered.  
  
" You seem like you've been meditating more than ever. That's what you've been doing every time I've asked if you want to come into my room after our shifts are over through this last five days. We used to spend some of our time off together every night. Now you need to meditate instead?".  
  
"This is correct. I'm experiencing a much higher influx of emotional and hormonal abnormalities than normal".  
  
"Why? Have you seen McCoy about this?", Jim asked.  
  
"There is no need for any such concern. I am aware of the issue and will have it fixed of within two days", Spock explained confidently, voice returning to normal,  
  
"But why is this happening to you? What is this _issue_?".  
  
Spock paused, briefly looking down. "It will be over in two days", She deflected.  
  
" Two days.. That's very specific".  
  
"Yes".  
  
Jim watched her, evaluating. She seemed tense, guarded. "You're not going to tell me what it is that's causing this, are you?".  
  
Spock looked at her with guilty eyes, then answered. "..No".  
  
Jim wondered if she should leave it be, despite her concern. She wondered if anything could even be gained by pushing for more information, knowing how stubborn Spock could be. She wanted to respect her friend's privacy, and she would, but it's hard when that friend is such an abnormally private person about some things

" So, you're definitely sure you're going to be ok? You definitely don't need McCoy to check up on you?". Jim needed to check one last time before she could let the issue rest.  
  
"This is not an issue that requires or would benefit from medical intervention", Spock answered. " This is something that all Vulcan's must deal with".  
  
Jim nodded slowly, relieved to know that whatever was plaguing Spock was normal for Vulcans. "Ok then.", She replied. She decided to trust Spock's judgment over her own curiosity and concern. Though, she did note that she was going to be keeping more of an eye on her. Just to make sure that she was safe. To make sure she knew that Jim was there if she needed her.  
  
The hand Jim had on Spock's arm loosened it's hold and slid down to her elbow, about to let go.  
  
" Jim".  
  
"Yes?".  
  
"I am glad it was you who found me".  
  
Jim's eyes subtly lit up when her smile reached them. " I'm glad I could help.. and I hope you continue to let me".  
  
Spock looked back at her with a small, reserved smile. It was very little by human standards, but huge by Spock standards. Jim was well aware of this.  
  
Then Spock delicately picked up the hand that Jim was resting on her arm. She cradled it in her hands like it was made of something precious and breakable, tracing her fingertips over its curves and bends. Jim had no words. She was confused but made no effort to stop her. She had no reason to. Spock slowly traced down the length of her fingers. Jim noticed how Spock's breathing had become heavy, contrasting sharply against the otherwise silent room. When the tips of her index and middle finger were lined up with Jim's matching fingers, she paused them there and stared deeply into Jim's eyes. Her eyes looked somehow darker, different. _She_ was different.

  
Then Jim realized something with a shock. Her pulse picked up and she spoke before even processing the thought. "Uh, Spock.. isn't this the Vulcan form of kissing?".  
  
She was silenced by Spock leaning in and kissing her the human way. It answered her question, but raised many more. Not that she could think of what they were just now. The kiss was assertive, uncharacteristically so. Spock's tongue entered her mouth and she could only reciprocate. She was too surprised to possibly compute responding any other way.  
  
Spock gently pushed her down so that Jim was lying on her back with her on top. Jim felt her body respond, craving her touch, but she knew it couldn't be. She knew she would need to stop this.  
  
Then Spock closed her eyes. She looked like she was fighting off whatever this was, shaking her head. When she opened her eyes, rather than kissing Jim, she simply stared at her. Jim saw that _something different_ in her eyes disappear.  
  
"I am extremely sorry Captain, I was-".  
  
"Emotionally compromised?", Jim finished playfully between panting breaths.  
  
"It would seem so", Spock replied, climbing off of her with minimal eye contact.  
  
Jim hoped that her blushing cheeks weren't noticeable. Spock was 'emotionally compromised', what was Jim's excuse?  
  
"I think it would be best if you leave", Added Spock.  
  
" Oh.. I'm sorry", Jim said sitting up, worried that she had upset Spock by her response to her advances. The concern was obvious on her face.  
  
"You are not at fault. I simply need to be alone. I need to meditate", Spock explained. Jim felt relieved.  
  
" Ok, sure". Jim stood up and started hesitantly walking towards the door. She turned back to Spock. "And you're absolutely sure you don't need to go to sick bay?", She checked.  
  
"The nature of the issue has not changed. I stand by my assessment".  
  
"Alright", Jim cautiously agreed. "At the very least you should use some of your leave to take the rest of today and tomorrow off.. to meditate", she suggested, though it could become an order if refused.  
  
" A logical idea, I will do that", Spock replied.  
  
Jim smiled, it was not often that Spock described her ideas in such a way. It always felt special when she did. "Let me know if you need.. anything", Jim said on her way out. Still, somehow she doubted that Spock would. Spock simply nodded, Acknowledging.  
  
" Bye, Jim".  
  
"Bye, I'll check in on you later".  
  
The door shut behind her and Spock was alone in her darkened room again. Spock attempted to focus herself. However that proved quite difficult, given what had just occurred. It was a concerning development, that was certain.  
  
In the past, meditation had been completely sufficient to cease the symptoms of the Pon Farr. Granted, that was quite abnormal. Most Vulcans who chose to stop the Pon Farr through extensive meditation still found it challenging and struggled through the symptoms. They still had urges.  
  
Even without the meditation, Spock used to feel somehow less effected by it than other Vulcans. When she was taught about the specifics of Vulcan mating, she was told she would feel a need to go back to planet Vulcan. A relentless and burning urge to mate with the man she was promised to. Spock had never felt any such yearning.  
  
Through her past Pon Farr she had simply felt a discomfort that was hard to describe, that and some of the standard emotional instability. She concluded that the different and subtle way it effected her must be a consequence of her being part human.  
  
This time, something had changed. Suddenly she was feeling everything she had been told she was supposed to feel, the need, the hunger, the obsession. Except rather that being toward the man on Vulcan, it was directed entirely toward her Captain. These feelings were not entirely new or exclusive to Pon Farr. Spock was familiar with having these types of impulses toward Jim, but had only ever had glimpses of them in the past. Fleeting ideas and illogical physical responses. She had put it down to being simply a scientific curiosity about her friend's body.  
  
However now, the true nature of her feelings was harder to dismiss.

 

  
  
Jim wasn't proud of how many times per day she had found herself glancing at Spock's empty chair. It had been like this ever since the day Spock had requested to spend some of her time working away from the bridge, and it continued when she went on leave. Her absence was like a gaping void on the bridge that nobody but Jim seemed to be noticing.  
  
It was even effecting her work. She felt less confident, less sure of her decisions. She knew she was a competent Captain without her, but Spock was so smart. She had a unique perspective on things. It felt like if Jim knew Spock was watching her, any areas she lacked, or details she missed would be covered. She comforted herself with knowledge that she would have her back at work tomorrow. The bridge would go back to having that spark that only her best friend could bring.  
  
It occurred to her that she had never actually told Spock that she considered her to be her best friend. Friend, yes, but not best friend. Normally she would have no hesitation to tell somebody this, but with Spock it somehow felt like a more loaded thing to say.  
  
Almost a year ago Spock had told her that feeling friendship for her made her feel ashamed. Since then Jim has watched her grow and gradually start becoming more comfortable with herself. Still she wondered, if "friend" was so difficult to accept, what about "best friend"?.  
  
Sometimes thinking about how hard and emotionally difficult it must be to be a Vulcan who is half human kept her up at night.

 

  
  
Jim was finishing her lunch alone in the brightly colored break room when she saw a familiar face walk in.  
  
"Bones!", She got his attention.  McCoy signalled that he would be over in a moment, after he grabbed his food from the replicator.  
  
" Well fancy seeing you here", McCoy said as he sat down at the table, surrounded by the soft sound of other people's chatter.  
  
"Has it been a busy day?", Asked Jim, making conversation.  
  
"It's been like watching paint dry", He answered, a tired look on his face. "But I suppose it's a good thing, if a doctor has no work to do".  
  
" That's right", Jim replied amusedly. "You need a hobby to pass the time when the crew is actually doing well".  
  
" I make do." Said McCoy. "What about you? How's things going on your side of the ship?".  
  
"It's going fine", Jim said, not quite as confidently as she had intended.  
  
McCoy leaned in slightly, resting his forearms on the table. " Fine hmm?".  
  
She felt like he would see right through her, which was a fair assumption, because often he could.  
  
"It's not the same working without Spock", She replied. That wasn't even the half of it, but there was no way she could tell him about what was actually on her mind. How she had found herself completely distracted, constantly wondering what this thing effecting Spock's emotions was and if she was ok. Wondering if she was crying alone in her room and needed Jim's help. She was also thinking about how Spock had kissed her. She was dying to talk about that last part, but she knew she never could. It would't be fair to Spock.  
  
" Spock? Not at work?".  
  
"She's been on leave", Jim explained.  
  
" Why's that?".  
  
"She's.. going through something. She says she needs more time to meditate".  
  
McCoy's face turned serious. "Is she ok? Should I give her a check up?".  
  
"She said it's not that type of problem. It will be over by tomorrow, apparently". Jim paused, looking at the clock on the wall, checking how long she had until she would be expected to return to the bridge." I should go check in on her".  
  
"Yes, do that. Not like we were having a conversation or anything", McCoy said with a wave of his hand and a sarcastic grin.  
  
" Bones, I-".  
  
His grin softened, becoming more kind. "It's ok Jim. I understand how much Spock means to you. Go, really".  
  
" Thank you", Jim replied, giving him a vaguely wary look, then left to go to Spock's room.  
  
"I understand how much Spock means to you". Jim kept thinking about that line as she walked, and the knowing look he gave her. Was McCoy onto her? It was a normal enough thing to say, but it left her feeling like he just knew. She wondered just how obvious it was.  
  
The weird thing was she had only realized that her feelings were more than friendship quite recently herself. She wondered if it was possible that Bones had known before she did. She had been letting her feelings sit in the background while she made the most of her friendship with Spock. It was just a crush, she couldn't get rid of it, but she would not let it get in the way. Because friendship was what Spock was prepared to give and despite her wants, it was enough. It was more than enough.  
  
The kiss unfortunately had really thrown her ability to push these feelings to their normal spot in the background. That as well as having to worry about her and miss her. She was trying to be normal about this, but Spock was all she had been able to think about. It really distressed her because it made her small, manageable crush feel much bigger. She reassured herself that when she knew Spock was safe, when she stopped having to miss her, everything could go back to normal. The memory of the kiss would become less fresh, less dangerous.

 

  
  
When Jim went to check on her, she seemed like herself, calm logical normal Spock. The extra meditation must have been working. Seeing Spock like this made Jim feel relieved. Relieved that Spock was ok, that life was going to go back to normal. The only thing that seemed abnormal was when Jim was helping Spock up off of the ground.  
  
"Spock, just because you're meditating all day doesn't mean you don't need to eat", Jim had said playfully, standing in front of her.  
  
"Very well, Captain", Spock said. Jim reached her hand out, wrapping it around Spock's wrist to help her up.

But as soon as she touched her Spock seemed startled, shaken. It was subtle enough for Jim to be unsure if it had been a reaction at all, but when it came to Spock Jim was used to reading into subtle gestures and expressions.  
  
It made her wonder many things.

 

  
The next morning Jim and Spock walked to the bridge together. Spock had told her that the issue was fixed and she felt she was fit to return to her station. She seemed like her normal self so Jim trusted this assessment. Spock had also said she would like to return to working on the bridge full time. This confirmed to Jim that her science work had likely been an excuse to have more time alone, but she left it be.  
  
Spock did well, for the first half of the day. Then she stated making careless mistakes and expressed uncharacteristic frustration over them. Then she yelled at Chekov when he questioned a choice she had made.  
  
" Sorry.. Ms. Spock..", Chekov said reluctantly, aware that he was at no actual fault. The rest of the bridge went silent.  
  
"Spock", Jim said as she stood from her chair and walked over to her. "Are you feeling ok?".  
  
"I am fine, Captain". She barely looked up from her work. Jim noted the tenseness of her shoulders and the abnormally tight shaking grip she had on the equipment she was using.  
  
"You don't look fine". Stressed or overwhelmed are words Jim would have chosen, but she knew better than to accuse her of such things.  
  
Spock's breath was frustrated and heavy, but she continued her work. Jim waited but was given no response other than a nonverbal indication that she was annoying her. Jim put her arm on her back soothingly.  
  
" Spock I-"  
  
"Don't touch me!" She yelled, pulling away sharply.  
  
Everybody on the bridge stared at her, eyes wide. Spock yelling was one thing, but Spock yelling at her Captain was a whole new category of strange behavior.  
  
Jim froze, eyes full of hurt and worry. Spock slowly stood from her chair, meeting her gaze. "I.. am truly sorry captain. If it is agreeable to you I would like to return to my quarters" She said, as though her normal veneer of cold logic had returned.  
  
"Report to sickbay and have Dr. McCoy look at you, then you can go to your quarters".  
  
"That will not be necessary I-".  
  
" That was an order" Jim commanded.  
  
Spock raised her eyebrows in response.  
  
"I'll go with you" Jim added, "Sulu, you have the bridge".  
  
"Yes Captain", Sulu responded as Jim walked out the door with Spock.

  
  
At the sick bay McCoy saw readings like he had never seen before. Spock's vital signs were off the charts and getting worse. However, McCoy had no idea what this could be caused by, he had never seen anything like it. The only thing he did know was that Spock couldn't live much longer like this.  
  
Spock made it clear that she knew exactly what was causing this. She said it was something extremely private to Vulcans and refused to explain further. She walked out of the sick bay as soon as McCoy finished the check up, barely giving anybody a chance to voice their objections. Jim followed.  
  
" So are you going to tell me what was happening in there?", Jim said, as she hurried to keep up with her long strides.  
  
"I have reported to sick bay, now I will return to my quarters, as you had permitted me to do after being examined by Dr. McCoy", Spock said as she walked to her down the winding corridors of the enterprise.  
  
" You're not getting away that easy", Jim said, still keeping up with her. "What's happening to you?".  
  
" I cannot tell you".  
  
"So you said", Jim replied bitterly, looking down at the ground.  
  
They walked in silence until they arrived at Spock's room. Jim knew that trying to get more out of her in public was useless.  
  
The door closed behind them.  
  
"Please", Jim said, grabbing her narrow shoulders and turning her around to face her " Please.. Spock..", she murmured, an air of desperation lingered as she paused. Spock's eyes looked black and unreachable, her pupils obviously effected by whatever was doing this to her body. Her skin felt like it was burning under Jim's fingertips.  
  
Spock took a sharp intake of breath. "I can't. There are some things which we do not speak of". She looked at Jim like she was restraining herself from doing.. something. Spock abruptly tore away from Jim's grasp on her shoulders and walked further into her room, slowly pacing. Jim waited for Spock to say something, anything, but she didn't.  
  
"You could die, Spock. Don't you care about that?". Jim was saying exactly the idea that she had been trying not to entertain since their visit to sick bay. Despite it's seeming inevitability, she could never accept that. There had to be a way.  
  
"I am in no position to change that outcome", Spock said coldly, letting her black hair out of it's ponytail. This was noteworthy because Spock had never let her hair down in Jim's presence. Given the circumstances, acknowledging how beautiful she found Spock only caused her more pain. She buried this. "Please understand, if I could do anything about this, I would", Spock added.  
  
"How do you expect me to understand if you won't tell me?" Jim asked, attempting to make her voice calmer, somewhat succeeding.  
  
Spock paused with her back to Jim. She hoped that Spock was contemplating what she had said.  
  
"Please Spock, I'm your friend. You can trust me", She said gently.  
  
Spock clasped her hands behind her back and glanced over her shoulder, dealing with some sort of internal struggle. " It's to do with Vulcan biology", She said reluctantly.  
  
"Yes..?", Jim replied.  
  
Spock turned back around to Jim. "Have you ever wondered how Vulcans choose their mates?", she asked.  
  
Spock told Jim about Pon Farr and how her body was very much succumbing to it's effects. She also told her about how they were approximately four days, eleven hours and eight minutes away from Planet Vulcan. This was where the man she was promised to as a child was, the man who could stop it's effects if they mated. It had advanced past the stage where it could be stopped through meditation, Spock said she would be lucky to last another day. She would not make it to Vulcan even if the ship changed course.  
  
As Spock spoke she slowly began overheating and shaking, gradually getting worse.  
  
" If you had told me, we could have made it to Vulcan. I would have found a way", Jim said, watching her with sad eyes.  
  
"Indeed. I made an error in judgment. In the past I had no difficulty stopping the pon farr through increased meditation. I had not assumed this time would be different. I thought that I had successfully stopped it when I chose to return to work. This assumption was incorrect".  
  
" Yes.. I suppose you had no way of knowing", Jim said calmly, despite feeling her heart breaking. Jim could not bare seeing her like this, she could not bare feeling powerless to change her fate. She knew somehow she would figure out a way to save her. Jim would go to the end of the universe for her if there was any slight chance it could help.  
  
"Here, you need to rest". Jim coaxed her to lie down on her bed while she stood at her side, stroking her hair soothingly.  
  
It seemed to help and she settled somewhat. Jim gently resumed questioning. It was in a softer voice than before, her fingers still combing through Spock's hair, hoping that it can continue having a calming effect. "What does your mate on Vulcan do without you? I assume he is also going through these changes", Jim asked, trying to better understand the situation.  
  
" He will do what he wishes. Meditate it away, like he has in the past, or he will find a new mate".  
  
"So he could choose a new mate despite your promise to each other?".  
  
" He has that choice", Spock answered, then looked up at her. "Jim, while you touching me seems to slightly ease some of my symptoms it also makes it harder to deal with the.. I think that it would be best if you stop", She said weakly.  
  
Jim removed her hands from Spock's hair. " Makes it harder to deal with what?", She asked.  
  
Spock looked away from her, feeling shame at what she was going through and not responding.  
  
"Oh", Said Jim surprisedly as it occurred to her what she meant. She realized what a massive amount of hormones must be surging through her body. It was still surprising that these feelings were ever directed towards her.  
  
" So you have to go to Vulcan to get rid of this?" Jim asked, getting back on topic to avoid embarrassing Spock by dwelling on what she had just indicated.  
  
"I have to be with my mate who is on Vulcan. That however is not possible", Spock said, subtly writhing from the pain and discomfort her body was causing her. Spock thought it was strange that despite her physical state, she still felt no desire to be with her Vulcan mate. Certainly, if she could teleport there she would, to save her life, but there was no craving for him. Only Jim, her friend. She knew that eventually it would become impossible to hide this. " You should leave, Jim. Before I completely lose control".  
  
"I'm not leaving you", she said firmly. Spock looked at her with exasperation, then nodded, realizing that nothing she could do could make Jim leave her at a time like this. She was being illogical to expect otherwise.

"So, just hypothetically, is it possible for you to have sex with somebody else to end this? not on Vulcan?".  
  
"What are you suggesting?", Asked Spock, staring right into her eyes.  
  
" I mean..", Jim felt suddenly nervous, but she finished her sentence anyway. "If you found another mate somewhere nearby, could that halt the process?".  
  
"Vulcan's need a strong bond to be able to mate, unlike humans. I am unable to find a suitable partner away from Vulcan.".  
  
"We have a strong bond" Suggested Jim cautiously, knowing that Spock was closer to her than any other person aboard the ship.  
  
"I could never make you do that, Jim. It's not right for you to feel obligated to have sex with me, no matter what the circumstance".  
  
"So you're saying that it would work?", Jim said, perking up from this development. A chance that Spock's life could be saved.  
  
" The bond would be.. sufficient", Spock said, wincing her eyes closed from the pain of her body's need. It was worse when the chance of release was being dangled right in front of her. "However it cannot be, you are my friend and I could not make you do that for me".  
  
" You're not making me, I'm offering. The question is do you want to? That's what I'm more concerned about".  
  
Spock breathed, feeling her pulse racing. Feeling her body consumed by longing. "Yes, I want to.. I really do", She confessed. "But Jim, you do not know what you are agreeing to".  
  
" You've told me what Pon Farr involves", Jim replied. She felt an urge to hold her hand but resisted, knowing what effect touch could have on her. "Please Spock, let me help you. You're my best friend. If there is anything that I can do to save your life, I want to do it".  
  
Spock looked deeply into her eyes. More vulnerable than Jim had ever seen her before. She reached out and squeezed Jim's hand.  
  
Spock had forgotten to fully shield herself mentally. She felt a surge of Jim's emotion from the touch of her hand. It was genuine and loving. It confirmed to her that the choice she had made was ok. That they both wanted this. Spock was slightly shocked by the depth of feeling that she felt from her friend, but she knew that it really should not be that surprising.  
  
"I will do it", She finally said.  
  
It was only just then that it actually hit Jim, the reality of what she had asked Spock to let her do. It had felt like she had simply been asking her friend to let her save her life, not have sex with her. But Spock said she wanted this, so Jim let herself want it as well, despite the less than ideal circumstances.  
  
Jim climbed onto the bed, thoughts whirling around her head. She sat so that she was straddling her hips. As she looked down at the woman below her, with her dark shining eyes and her hair that Jim was only seeing messy for the first time, she wondered if Spock was having a similar realization about what she had just agreed to. About how they were going to have sex and how they could never go back to not knowing that part of each other.  
  
Or maybe she was so effected by the hormones racing through her that she wasn't really thinking about this as much as Jim was. Perhaps she would just decide that she made a logical choice to fulfil a biological function and leave it at that.  
  
Spock's hips tilted up, softly pressing into Jim's crotch. Spock looked just as shocked by this as Jim did as they locked eyes, like her body had had just done that of it's own accord. Sure, Spock had just explicitly said she wanted sex with her, but any indication of that fact was still surprising to Jim somehow.  
  
Jim knew that if Spock kissing her had made her feelings get confusing and difficult, this was sure to be worse. But she could deal with that later.  
  
Jim leaned down to kiss her. She was unsure if this was what Spock wanted, or if she was supposed to be cold about it, all business. That seemed like an efficient Vulcan-like way of having sex.  
  
"Can i kiss you? Do you want that, or..?", Jim checked.  
  
Spock nodded and pulled her closer. Jim softly parted Spock's lips with her own and the fervour with which Spock returned the kiss put her mind to rest. Jim was still shaking with adrenaline from the whole thing. She had gone through so many emotions in the last hour that it was dizzying. More than anything, she now felt relief and happiness. Spock was really going to be ok, and fact took precedence over any awkwardness or trepidation she felt. And truly, their lips felt right together, like it was the only thing that could ever come close to expressing such strong emotion.  
  
Spock's hips grinded up harder against her, desperately wanting contact. Jim could see the composure that Spock had worked so hard to hold onto slipping away almost instantly. She was in awe that just kisses and light touching could do that, but it made Jim realize just how hard all of her normal casual touches must have been for her in the week leading up to this.  
  
Jim unzipped Spock's blue Starfleet dress and helped her slide it off, leaving her with only a bra, underwear and black stockings. Somehow, seeing Spock's bra filled Jim with fondness because it was just _so her._ A clearly practical choice, white sports bra, no underwire, purchased entirely with comfort and functionality in mind. She wouldn't have expected anything else. Jim unhooked the bra she was admiring and rubbed her nipples between her fingertips as she kissed her. This earned some soft, almost whiny moaning from Spock. It was turning Jim on just seeing her like this. It was so different.  
  
Previously, she had speculated that Spock could be just not be into sex or romance at all. She had never seen any indication to the contrary and Spock generally reacted to men's interest in her with either apathy or mild condescension. However, it was true that Jim had never seen her reaction when a woman hit on her. Still, she had no idea if Vulcan's ever even had sex outside of Pon Farr. This side of Spock could really be just as rare as it felt.  
  
Spock grabbed Jim's hand and brought it down to touch her through her stockings.  
  
"A bit impatient?", Jim teased.  
  
" Jim, please", She gasped.  
  
"I'm sorry", She said, realizing that it would be mean to joke about her being compromised in this way.  
  
Jim reached into her underwear. She slowly traced her finger down, feeling how unbelievably wet she was, then back up, lightly brushing against her clit, and again. "Is this ok?" Jim asked, watching her hips twitch whenever her fingertip came in contact with it.  
  
"Yes", Spock moaned in reply as Jim started rubbing in a circular motion. Jim felt her own breathing getting heavier, herself getting wetter. As she continued she noticed Spock's facial expression had changed. She looked conflicted, almost like she was restraining herself. Jim stilled her hand and asked, "Spock, is something wro-".  
  
"Don't stop", She said sharply the moment Jim's hand ceased contact.  
  
"Sorry", Jim said, resuming her touch. Still, Spock seemed tense. "Is something wrong?", she asked again while slowly circling her clit with her fingertips.  
  
"I'm not used to feeling this way.. or acting so..", Spock struggled to say through her pleasure.  
  
Jim had never thought about how with being raised Vulcan, an entire life of being taught to hide and suppress all emotions, sex would be a very confronting experience. But it made perfect sense.  
  
"It's ok", Jim said soothingly. "Nothing you could do today would make me judge you, remember that", she told her. Spock still looked unconvinced.  
  
Jim leaned closer, so her cheek was against Spock's. She spoke softly into her ear. "What you're feeling is normal. There's nothing wrong with letting yourself feel good sometimes, Spock.". Spock moaned from the movements of Jim's fingers, still touching her. "And, I kind of like you acting like this", Jim confessed. The fact that Jim was genuinely attracted to her, Pon Farr or not, was going to become obvious anyway. Might as well help Spock feel less self conscious.  
  
"You do?".  
  
"Of course I do. You're so hot". She teased a finger at her entrance as she spoke, then slowly, she slid it inside. Spock's mouth opened, breath catching in her throat. "You can let yourself go, it's ok", Jim gently coaxed, breathing against her ear.  
  
Spock seemed to relax and make less attempt to control what she was feeling, moaning louder from the wet slide of Jim's fingers inside of her. The sound brought a smile to Jim's lips.  
  
She slid Spock's stockings and underwear off and threw them on the floor, revealing her full naked body. She looked so beautiful and Jim knew that fact would be impossible to forget.

In her state, Spock didn't care that Jim was still fully clothed. How could she undress her when literally the only thing she could focus only on how much she wanted Jim's hand back on her body. Spock spread her legs apart, inviting her touch. Jim climbed back on top of her, the sleek fabric of her Starfleet uniform sliding against Spock's bare skin. She placed a hand against her face and kissed her deeply.

Spock was beautiful and Jim felt so lucky that it was her who got to see her friend like this, not some guy  on Vulcan she had never even heard of until today. A guy who probably didn't even know all the hundreds of things that made Spock such an amazing and special person.

Jim kissed her way down her body until she arrived between her legs. She gazed for just a second at the delicate pink lips, ready and waiting. Jim's arousal was burning, but she made no effort to get release herself. This was about Spock.  
  
Spock felt like she was tingling with anticipation for Jim's next move. Since Jim's reassurance that the way she was acting was ok, navigating pon farr had felt easier. She had no need to hide. It also helped to remind herself that most other Vulcan's must also behave in this illogical manner through Pon Farr. It's accepted, although nobody talks about it.

She gasped as Jim's tongue made contact with her, like the air was taken from her lungs. Jim's tongue felt soft and wet against her, like nothing she had felt before. But the way Jim seemed to be starting off slow was too much for her to handle; The way her tongue flicked teasingly over her clit, giving her only glimpses of the sensation she craved. Spock softly thrusted her hips towards her mouth, aching for more. It seemed like her impatience made Jim smile, but she got the message and held Spock's hips steady as she licked more directly at her clit, giving her exactly what she wanted.

  
Jim sunk two fingers deep inside her, filling her with sensation. She slid them in and out as she stroked her clit with her tongue. Jim glanced her eyes up as she increased her finger's pace, wanting to see what effect this had on Spock. She saw Spock propped up slightly, leaning back on her elbows. She locked eyes with Jim and it felt like they were sharing a moment more vulnerable than anything they had ever experienced together. Jim could not look away. Spock's mouth was open and she was getting visibly closer to climax. Jim was so aroused and her body was craving any sort of touch of it's own, but that seemed irrelevant. All her focus was on making Spock come.  
  
Spock's hand gripped at one of Jim's shoulders almost painfully, holding her in place. Jim kept doing exactly what she was doing, feeling wet clenching around her fingers that encouraged her to keep going.  
  
Jim felt Spock grab at the fabric of her shirt. She was gripping at it as Jim's tongue and fingers sent shockwaves of pleasure through her body. Jim barely noticed as Spock's grip dug painfully into her shoulder, she was too entranced by her. Feeling her grind against her hand as she craved her fingers deeper inside her, staring into her eyes as she came. There was something incredibly intimate about seeing her express the pure pleasure that was gripping her body. More intimate than it could ever feel with anybody else, because that part of her Spock felt secret, hidden. Jim was glad she was trusted to see that, that Jim was able to give her that.  
  
Spock's body went practically limp after she came and Jim laid down next to her, still painfully aroused. Spock was panting and staring at the ceiling.  
  
"Feeling better?", Jim asked, looking at her.  
  
" Yes", Spock panted. "But I will still need.. more..".  
  
" Oh.." Jim said, realizing that this wasn't over.  
  
"I'm sorry if it was not clear. Pon Farr can last for days", She said as she brushed the hair from her eyes, attempting to look less messy." I am sorry to have burdened you with this", Spock said, eyes drifting elsewhere, like she was guilty.  
  
"Hey, no burden here. I was enjoying it", Jim reassured.  
  
"You really were?", Spock asked, raising her eyebrows in that way that she does. At least one thing was back to normal.  
  
"Weren't you?" Jim deflected playfully.  
  
Spock paused, contemplating. "Yes.. it was quite enjoyable", Spock answered.  
  
Jim smiled fondly. "I'm really glad". She stood up from the bed but turned to face Spock. "I know that this situation was brought on by necessity, but I hope it won't be a thing you'll look back on with regret. If you felt bad about it I would want you to tell me, but still.. I hope when it's over you don't have to feel bad about it. You're my best friend and we did what we had to do".  
  
"I am experiencing no such feelings of regret", Spock replied. "And I know i will not in the future".  
  
"That's good then", Jim concluded as she walked over to the communicator on the wall. "I just need McCoy's help to get us some medical leave so we can get through the rest of this undisturbed. It's a bit harder for the Captain of a starship to just go on leave without notice or giving a reason". Spock nodded, Jim pressed the button.  
  
"Hey Bones, Kirk here".  
  
"Did you manage to talk some sense into Spock?". He cut right to the chase, Jim thought.  
  
" Sort of. Listen, she told me what the issue is, but I can't tell you".  
  
"What do you mean you can't tell me? What is this? Are you both playing some sort of a game just to tick me off?".  
  
"I assure you this is serious. Some aspects of Vulcan culture and biology are just private. I made a promise to Spock that I would keep it that way.". Jim glanced over her shoulder at Spock, who was sitting on the bed and starting to look slightly agitated again. Jim knew she would need to hurry this up, considering how much Spock's hormones seemed to fluctuate.  
  
"Well what do you want from me Jim, I'm a doctor and neither of you will let me help, despite the fact that Spock very obviously needs it".  
  
"I want you to recommend two days medical leave for Spock and Myself".  
  
" And just why would I do that?".  
  
"Because it's the only thing that will save Spock's life", Jim said sternly. This earned a lengthy pause from McCoy. Just then, Jim felt arms snake around her body and Spock was hugging her from behind. It sure was out of character but it brought a smile to Jim's lips nonetheless. That was, until Spock started softly whining in her ear and pressing her naked body against her back.  
  
"Spock could be dying Jim, and you're asking me to give you the benefit of the doubt that you know what will fix it" McCoy said, his voice taking a more serious tone than before.  
  
Jim felt bad that she was being distracted by her, the way Spock was making very clear that she needed her now. Then, still hugging her from behind, Spock reached a hand down into Jim's pants.  
  
"Just trust me on this", Jim exclaimed sharply. Her tone a byproduct of the fact that Spock had just slipped a finger inside of her, rather than being a reaction to anything McCoy had said. She felt too frozen by shock and arousal to do anything about it.  
  
" Aha.. Excuse me?", Replied McCoy, obviously not satisfied with this reasoning.  
  
"Just.. as captain, you've seen my ability to make crucial decisions in a crisis displayed over and over", She forced out. "I just really need you to trust me on this". Spock was not making this easy and Jim kind of hated her for it, but she was well aware that Spock would never do something so risky if she wasn't so consumed by hormones. She knew she should tell Spock to stop but a part of her just didn't want to.  
  
Spock started rubbing her thumb lightly against her clit as she continued working her fingers into her and Jim knew that was the end of her ability to hold a coherent conversation with McCoy.  
  
"Fine, I'll sign off the damn medical leave. Not that I have much other choice", McCoy said, defeated.  
  
"Thank you Bones, I really appreciate it, Kirk out", Jim said hurriedly and pressed the end transmission button before he could even respond. She leaned back over her shoulder. "Couldn't wait until I was done?".  
  
"No."  
  
Jim slightly giggled at the conciseness of her response.  
  
"I need.." Spock said in a breathy voice as she plunged her fingers deeper inside Jim, forcing a moan from her body.  
  
"We should go to my room", Jim struggled to say through her pleasure. "I have things that will make this whole thing.. easier".  
  
"Agreed", Spock said, reluctantly removing her hand from Jim's pants.  
  
Jim handed Spock her clothes to throw on and gently fixed her hair for her, then they snuck from Spock's room to Jim's. This was hardly a good look for the ship's captain, but luckily the hallway was empty.  
  
As soon as the door shut behind them, Spock was on her, giving many small desperate kisses as she hastily removed Jim's clothes. Spock guided her down onto a chair and Jim could only obey, captivated by her entirely. Spock knelt down before her and spread Jim's legs wide.  
  
Jim was not used to Spock being so.. assertive. It was surely an effect of Pon Farr. Still, it turned her on more than she would have ever expected.  
  
Then she remembered how Spock's biological needs at present must be much stronger than her own. Especially given the fact that for Spock it was a need, for her it was simply a want. A heavy and burning want.  
  
"Are you sure you want to do this just yet? I can do you again first if you want. I know you need-".

"I know what I need", Spock interrupted, voice low and soft as she slid her hand down, between her legs, parting her lips with her fingers. Jim shut up right then and there, feeling herself get wetter.  
  
Jim looked down at Spock as she started to explore Jim's inner lips with her tongue, giving her slow delicate licks using only the very tip.  
  
"So good", She encouraged as Spock's tongue gently played with her clit.  
  
She saw Spock's hand reach down to touch herself. Like doing this with no contact of her own had become too much. It was the hottest thing Jim had ever seen. Especially when she felt Spock's breath between her legs, exhaling lustfully from her own touch. Jim was moaning from the way her tongue swirled around her clit. She was still amazed that it was Spock who was making her feel this way. She was unsure if that would ever stop being surprising.  
  
"Am I doing this acceptably?", Spock asked in a breathy voice. Her tongue had been replaced by her fingertips, still pleasuring Jim.  
  
Remembering that there was a large chance that Spock had never done this before was strange, because it was not obvious from her technique. Still, she knew some reassurance never hurt anybody.  
  
Jim reached down and cupped Spock's cheek with her hand. "You're doing so well, Spock", she said lustfully. Jim's hand travelled from her cheek to her black hair as Spock resumed licking at her. Jim gasped from the contact of her tongue. " You're so good", she praised.  
  
Jim felt warm breath as Spock moaned against her. Either Jim's words were having an effect on her or she was almost coming by her own hand. Or both.  
  
Jim's thighs jerked as the movements of Spock's tongue grew faster. She immediately felt right on the edge. Her hands gripped at the arms of the chair, needing to hold onto something.  
  
Spock reached up with her free hand and linked their fingers, resting their hands on Jim's thigh. With the intensity of the sensations from her tongue, holding Spock's hand felt like an anchor. Like it could stop her from drifting away.  
  
Jim clutched her hand tightly as Spock's tongue lashes made her come, more satisfyingly than she could have ever expected.  
  
Jim stared down at her, blown away and basking in the afterglow. Spock watched her, giving her a moment.  
  
"Jim", Spock eventually said.  
  
"Yeah", Jim said dreamily, looking down at her through foggy eyes.  
  
"Jim, please", Spock softly pleaded, taking Jim's hand and directing it down her body.

"Of course", Jim said with a smile. She helped Spock to her feet and led her by the hand over to the bed.


End file.
